The violent intelligent force I had to become finessed me, it convinced me that it is my best friend, it knew I was hurt and fragmented emotionally and knew I would be open to never being hurt again.  It had so much power in its rage it made me smart and super fast with immense power via the execution of the right angles and core use to maximise lethal intent I was romanced by the power it gave me.


I became its loyal student and followed the order to have no mercy to be cold when destroying any one that disrespected me.  Compassion was my kryptonite, the deal was that I must not trust or love anyone but it.  This has resulted in me not being educated or intelligent when it comes to connecting to people as if that bit of disconnection is what I will need if they inevitably hurt my heart.  

Humans taught me this is their way with me.  I turned my back on love and hid behind the safe place of being feared.  After being a loyal student of rage for years I have found I'm incomplete in the area of being a whole human.  So much of me has been stifled and not expressed.

I am ready to be brave and explore love and compassion, to be patient, thoughtful and gentle.  its scary but bravery will be my victory, once again the finer natures will run through my veins and cool my eyes.  I'm done with my blood being saturated in adrenalin and cortisol, I'm done with the assault on my heart forcing it into convulsions as it is flogged to rush blood to my violent limbs.

Today I want my heart to rest in the soft sway of love.  I want to connect.  I want to be the human god intended me to be.  It's my right and I will curb my fear and trade it for bravery rewarded in the moments of pure love and connection with other human beings who want to be authentic and whole just like me.  In sha ALLAH

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